Vidal's Verse

I am still haunted by memories and feelings that should have long ago passed. The problematic curse of an almost perfect memory. Do I remember the days perfectly or do I remember her as being perfect?

These are just stories told poetically. This is a place for my words to live. Some lead good lives and others not so much. I would call these Poetic Stories. 

The Life, Death, and Resurrection of a Big Stupid Grin


As thoughts spun around in her head she couldn’t help but think one in particular over and over again. “How could I let this happen? How could I be so careless?” And yet here she was, waiting for her boyfriend to come over so they could have a serious talk, the most serious of talks. Just weeks earlier she was planning on leaving him and now the kind of discussion they needed to have was very different. The doorbell rang and she rushed to get it. He walked in with a big grin on his face, the grin she had grown to hate. With friends she would always call it “The big stupid grin.” They would all have a laugh about it as if they were agreeing that it was dumb. She never hated that grin more than she did now. She started to break the news to him as he took his short strides to the living room. “I need to talk to you about something. Something very important and life changing for the both of us.” he sat on the floor, Another thing she hated about him. With the chairs and the couch why did he always sit on the floor? It always made her think he was one of those people who wanted to play the part of a hippie but was not actually a hippie. “I am pregnant” she blurted out before he had made himself completely comfortable, his grin quickly disappeared. It didn’t seem to faze him much besides that though; She thought maybe he was too in shock, so she kept going. “I don’t know what I” she paused and then corrected herself “We are going to do. I am unsure about keeping it.” She realized she had just referred to the child now growing in her as an “it” and she made a mental note not to do that again. And then she realized if she was making notes of that kind she actually knew full well if she would keep the child or not.


As he pulled up to her house he was excited, wondering what kind of news couldn’t wait. “Maybe it’s finally happening” he thought to himself. He bounced up the steps like an excited child, skipping one and two steps at a time to her apartment door. Ringing the doorbell he couldn’t stop smiling, a smile he knew she hated. She thought she hid her emotions well but he could read those feelings like a book. She opened the door quickly, as if she was standing by it in wait for him. He liked that feeling. He tried to compose himself as she was speaking so he walked calmly to the living room. He thought to himself “Something life changing for the both of us? I think it is finally happening.” He started to position himself on the floor, a habit he picked up from being the youngest of a poor family. He never kicked it because it was now a part of him. Then, as if she could not contain it any more, she blurted out the news. His first thought was “Finally” and then “It is what I was hoping.” He had been wishing for this, and secretly working towards it. Being a little less cautious more and more as time went on. He could see her discontent growing with him over the past few months and hatched a plan that would mean she would have to stay with him. And finally that plan was coming to full fruition. For good measure though he forced the grin down so as not raise any suspicions. As she spoke he had to struggle to keep that smile of his down, she had just corrected herself from “I” to “we” and he loved it. But then she said something disheartening, what does she mean “Unsure about keeping it.” Although it stupid, he never really thought about that possibility. Now he was having no problem keeping that “big stupid grin” put away.

The Two That Became Three, Minus One

Although they never married they had stayed together to raise their daughter. She grew to love the way he sat on the floor now. How he would sit for hours with their daughter there, she even started doing it herself. And “The big stupid grin” became “That big loving grin” that she started to associate with their daughter, and in turn started to love. But he on the other hand started growing more distant. The things he loved about her fell away. Although she regained her figure very quickly; Being a mother became the number one priority in her life. No longer was she the free spirit he fell in love with, at least not in his eyes. He never regretted his daughter, but he did regret the mother he had chosen. Unlike her though, he hid his emotions well. So for her it was a complete surprise when soon he was gone and in his own apartment. She cried for months, and then weeks, and then days. Usually spurred on by their daughter asking “Why did daddy move away?” After about a year she was fine with it, about as fine as anyone could be in these situations.  From then on when ever he came to pick his daughter up it was back to “The big stupid grin,” only now she didn’t keep that thought to herself and friends alone.

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